What to do when the condom falls off?

You think, "At least we were using one."

You should be more concerned, shouldn’t you?

But you're not.  At the time,  you seem more concerned that he find it.

The evening doesn't stop.  There is no freak out; no break down.  You move into a different position and use another one… later.

As an afterthought the next day do you reflect about the situation?  What about a baby? Do you consider STI's?  

He's upper middle class, educated and white – perhaps that provides a false sense of security; although statistically, the likelihood of infection is less.  You get tested regularly, You probably already had HPV – my obgyn calls it an underground epidemic. The CDC makes the bold claim that almost everyone who is sexually active will be infected with HPV at some point in their life.

Currently, there is a vaccine on the market for some of the HPV strains, which has the potential to reduce cancer and infertility rates, potential byproducts of HPV infection. The company recommends 11 and 12 year old children to be vaccinated before sexual activity.  I concur.

Hopefully you received the Gardasil injections before you were deemed too old for the series of shots to be appropriate. It boggles my mind that mid-twenties seems to be the cut-off point for sexual promiscuity.  If only  of adults were married in 2012, 49.5% were not married.  Not to mention, the married but open, poly, swinging couples out there. An estimated 5%-15% of folks are thought to be in some form of consensual non-monogamous relationship.  At what point does it make sense to create an age cut off in terms of sexual activity?

A 2007 study published in the New England Journal of Medicine indicated that over half of the people between the ages of 65 and 74 were sexually active, with that number decreasing to 26% for those between the ages of 75 and 85. As cited by Kinsey Institute in a more recent study (2010) by NSSHB, for women and men aged 50 and older, sexual behaviors decline overall as the population ages, but it doesn’t just stop.

Back from musings, do you again consider your false sense of security?  Do you run out to get tested?  Do you buy the morning after pill?

All this musing led me to research potential reasons a condom fails.  

What I discovered disappointed me.  While I wasn’t surprised – it will never cease to amaze me how mired the United States is in form over substance.  The condoms we use today are largely the same condoms that have been on the market forever.  One reason – the lengthy, expensive approval process that the FDA requires which does not, as far as I understood this comprehensive article, We Should have a better condom by now,  allow for variations in size beyond what the current standards require. 

Unfortunately, the human body doesn’t come in standard sizes. The FDA allows condoms with at least 6.7″ (170 mm) in length and nominal width between 1.85″ (47mm) and 2.28″ (58mm). Which basically means that in the US consumers can purchase around 3 – 5 different sizes of condoms. (I use the word size, loosely). The snug model is marketed to the smaller endowed.  There is regular and of course, the supersized for those well hung.  In Europe, there is a condom manufacturer that has 95 varieties of size, offering 14 different lengths and 12 different widths.  Where do you think you have a better likelihood of a perfect fit? Not to mention, according to Kinsey Institute, the average penis length erect is 5-6.5 inches, meaning all of the condoms on the market in the US are inappropriately sized for the “average joe.”   If you are in the US you can give LuckyBloke a try – they offer condom sizing and sampler packages, which could be extremely helpful if you are unsure or are a woman looking to be prepared.  I also rediscovered female condoms, which I admit to have never tried.  I was interested in the fact that you can put it in ahead of time so that you don’t have to spoil the mood.  The male partner also doesn’t have to maintain his erection, so if you have a partner that may wax and wane this could be a great alternative.  It doesn’t constrict at the base of the penis, the material adjusts to body temperature and can be used with both water and silicone based lubricants.

To Those Who Push Desires and Limits and Dream to be DesireBound…That doesn’t mean you have to be reckless and risky.  Educate yourself and decide your risk tolerance.  Women, you can be just as equipped as the guys.  Male and female condoms are readily obtainable, especially if you plan ahead.  For an accident – there are emergency contraceptives available over the counter.

Be prepared and stay safe!

*******************************************************

Have a question? Email me. I'd love to chat about circumstances or situations you've encountered.  How about advice about my favorite subject, relationships? Check out tips to help new habits stick or think about ways to sneak in some romance.